The Plot of Twilight in 150 Words or Less
by thecatclouder
Summary: What the title says. The plot of all five parts of the Twilight saga, one per chapter, each under 150 words. Well, you might have guessed by the genre that this is another humour/parody story. Interested yet? Read on!
1. Twilight

**A/N: You should know the drill by now. This is a Twilight Parody. If you don't want Twilight mocked do not read. I own nothing. Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. This is the summary of the first book of the Twilight Saga, which funnily enough is Twilight, in under 150 words. Stick around for New Moon, Eclipse, and both parts of Breaking Dawn coming soon. How soon? I hear you ask. Well, that depends on the amount of reviews I get and whether I feel like it, but it should not be more than a few days at the most. I doubt it would even be that. Enjoy XD. **

**The Plot of Twilight in 150 Words Or Less**

**Twilight**

So there is this girl who moves to Forks for some reason that is only sort of explained.

Bella: I'm this annoying Mary Sue character that has no aspirations for the future.

She lives with her father.

Charlie: I'm a cop with a moustache. Seriously, there is not much more you need to know.

Then she falls in love with a vampire.

Edward: I am a vampire. I want to eat you. Also, I watch you sleep. I love you.

Bella: Aw, I love you too.

Then the plot shows up.

James: I'm a vampire who wants to kill Bella.

Carlisle: Let's split up to protect her.

Bella: I run away from protection. I almost get changed into a vampire, and get injured instead. That's alright, because Edward loves me.

**The End. **

**Word count (not bold): 130**

**Song Describing Twilight: ****_Everybody in Love _****by JLS (seriously, all the Cullens are totally in love with each other even though they are pretending to be siblings. Can nobody else see how sick that is? If they wanted to be ****_together _****together they should not say they are related even adoptively)**


	2. New Moon

**Yet another disclaimer: I don't own New Moon either. Like the rest of the Twilight Saga it belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**New Moon**

Edward: I will always love you Bella. Wait, Jasper attacked you. I am leaving you now.

Bella: No, don't go.

Bella gets very depressed.

Jacob: I'm here now and your friend. Wait, now I'm not. Turns out I'm a wolf and can't see you.

Bella: You'll see me anyway. I'm using you to see hallucinations of my ex and don't want to lose that.

Jacob: Okay.

Bella goes cliff diving and nearly dies. Alice has a vision. Edward finds out so he goes off to kill himself. Alice turns up in Forks.

Alice: I made a mistake. Save Edward.

Bella: Okay.

They go to Italy.

Edward: Oh hi Bella.

Bella: I love you so much.

They meet the Volturi.

Aro: I can't read her mind. Turn her into a vampire.

Edward: No.

Bella: Yes.

Alice: Not now.

They leave Italy.

**The End. **

**Word Count (not bold): 140**

**Song Describing New Moon: ****_Break Your Heart _****by Taio Cruz (seriously, she spends the whole book crying about Edward until she gets to see him again… wow she is needy).**

**Stay tuned for Eclipse, coming soon. For the time being check out my other Twilight parodies. XD**


	3. Eclipse

**Disclaimer: I don't own Eclipse either. Stephanie Meyer does. **

**Eclipse**

There is this weird non-existent love triangle.

Edward: I love you Bella.

Jacob: I love you Bella.

Bella: Like I said before, I choose Edward. But I also love Jacob.

She mulls over that for several hundred pages and most of the movie.

There is that vamp that wants revenge.

Victoria: Edward killed James. I kill Bella. Now for a pointlessly elaborate plan.

She builds a newborn army and there are killings.

It comes to a fight, which is not described.

Bella: It is so cold. And, just to remind everybody, I want to be a vampire.

Edward: Marry me first.

Bella: Ew…

Jacob: Snuggle with me to keep warm.

Victoria shows up and fights Edward.

Bella: I cut myself on purpose for some reason.

Victoria gets killed.

The Volturi show up, then leave.

Bella: Fine, I'll marry you Edward.

**The End.**

**Word count (not bold): 140**

**Song describing Eclipse: actually, you know what, I don't know any songs about pointless love triangles that only exist to drag the series out further. Anybody want to help me with this? Message me with suggestions… **

**Breaking Dawn coming up next. I wonder if I should separate it into two parts like they did in the movie. Like previously stated in my other parody, the plot of part 2 was so unnecessary. Don't forget to review. XD**


	4. Breaking Dawn Part 1

**Disclaimer: Again, belongs to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Breaking Dawn Part 1 (coz, you know, I am doing what the movies did and needlessly separating this into two parts to make the franchise longer):**

Bella and Edward get married in a needlessly long scene.

Bella: No real dialogue necessary here. I don't look that very happy.

Jacob shows up in the forest despite being invited.

Jacob: Yup, this is really necessary.

They go on a honeymoon on a private island and finally have sex.

Edward: Sex after marriage, just another ideal we are forcing down young girls' throats.

Bella gets pregnant.

Edward: Oh no.

Bella: No abortion. Ideal number two within minutes.

They go back home. It changes into Jacob's perspective for the first time for some reason.

Jacob: I still love Bella. I'm lonely.

The pack want to kill Bella's monster spawn baby. Jacob splits up the pack to protect Bella, and is often at the Cullen house for no reason.

Bella has the baby. Jacob falls in love with the baby. Bella becomes a vampire.

Bella: Yay, what I wanted all along.

**The End. **

**Word Count (not bold): 150**

**Song Describing Breaking Dawn Part 1: Everybody In Love by JLS (it's not that I am out of songs, but this one applies again. Bella and Edward are all lovie-dovie, and Jacob falls in love with Bella's new-born daughter which is even creepier than the 'Edward being about ninety years older than Bella' thing…)**

**The saga finally is coming up next. Don't forget to review. XD**


	5. Breaking Dawn Part 2

**Disclaimer: You know this by now, seeing as you could easily read this whole document in five minutes. The whole Twilight Saga belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Now, let's see if for the first time ever in one of my stories the total word could would consist mostly of author's notes. There is only one way to find out.**

**Read on for the finale. This is the plot of Breaking Dawn Part 2, in 150 words or less.**

**Breaking Dawn Part 2:**

Bella: I'm a vampire now. Everything is fantastic. Newborns are meant to be wild but I am not.

Bella is suddenly brilliant at everything that takes other vampires years to master.

She remembers she now has a child.

Jacob: You might hurt her. I imprinted on her, you see.

Bella: WTF!

Then it skips a few months ahead. The Volturi are coming to kill Renesmee in a pointless way.

Aro: This is really necessary.

The Cullens build their own army of witnesses.

Random array of mostly unexplained characters: Hi.

They meet at this clearing. There is no fight, because Bella can suddenly use her shield now.

Bella: I could not do this in training.

The Volturi leave, and then it is the happily ever after.

**The End. **

**Word count (not bold): 125. **

**Song describing Breaking Dawn Part 2: (ah, you know what, I can't find a single song that appears this pointless, so I'll just make my own, allegedly sung by Bella Swan/Cullen)**

**_CHORUS: Hiya, I am totally a vampire:  
I am a fantastic gorgeous entitled queen;  
everybody loves me like they are entitled to;  
as I am brilliant all of a sudden;_**

**_Forget the angst I was pathetic;  
yet everybody loved me anyway;  
I was clumsy and a klutz and only cared about my lover;  
only now and then did I feel guilt;_**

**_Repeat CHORUS_**

**_I go and hunt and again I am great;  
any other newborn would have eaten that guy;  
the rules that apply to others don't apply to me;  
that is why I managed to have Renesmee;_**

**_Background: Oh yeah right, I am a mother now. _**

**_I better go and see my daughter;  
wait, that wolf imprinted on her;  
I hate him, that is so sick;  
now let me have sex with my hundred years older husband;_**

**_Yeah, we are married now, it is totally alright;  
hidden message there again;  
plus I am a vamp so I am more powerful now;  
Yeah, yeah, I'm great;_**

**_Repeat CHORUS_**

**_Okay, we get it by now, I totally shine;  
but I can still remind you again;  
a bit like nobody tires of Edward hotness reminders;  
even in our brand new cottage;_**

**_Repeat CHORUS_**

**_Months later I go hunting with my daughter,  
something with Irina occurs,  
she is totally going to the Volturi,  
ah, we're scared, technology apparently does not exist;_**

**_Alice bails, and some other stupid avoidable things;  
but I don't seem to know that;  
as I am your own reliable source of information;  
you have to put up with the crap;_**

**_Something, something, something, something;  
building an army;  
something, something, something, something;  
I am also training for a battle;_**

**_Oh my god I am not quite amazing yet I am going to cry;  
self-doubt was the only this I was good at before;  
old habits die hard;  
even if it's the habits of this clumsy ugly girl everyone loves;_**

**_Repeat CHORUS_**

**_The Volturi come and I can suddenly use my power;  
if it came to a fight I would be the key player;  
some evidence thing, I don't really care;  
Renesmee's no immortal child, that is all that is there;_**

**_I am nervous, I am scared;  
but don't worry, I am brilliant as well;  
Alice shows up, exactly what was her purpose?  
everybody knows it was all me;_**

**_Oh, everybody knows it was all me;  
everybody knows it was all me;  
everybody knows it was all me;  
everybody knows it was all me;_**

**_Repeat CHORUS_**

**_The Volturi leave and I totally have happily ever after now;  
eternity with my lover;  
he is totally the perfect guy who stalks me;  
there will never be another;_**

**_Background: remember you are a mother, and Jacob wants your baby daughter romantically. _**

**_I _****said****_ happily ever after!_**

**_Repeat CHORUS 2x_**

**A/N: Hi again, thank you for sticking with me until the end of the story. I would like to thank everybody who took the time to read this story. Please review with comments, now to count the totals. **

**Total amount of words (not bold), aka total amount of words containing the plot of the Twilight Saga: 685 (less ****_words _****than ****_pages _****in Breaking Dawn).**

**Total amount of words (bold), aka the rest: 1028 (including the numbers and these current sentences).**

**For anybody who didn't already notice, that's more author's notes etc. than actual storyline. And now, for anybody who wishes to ask exactly how much of a plot the Twilight Saga has, you can say without any doubt that it would fill less than two pages. **

**Or, even simpler: A girl loves an abusive vampire who sparkles. Words: 8. The rest is just filler. XD**


End file.
